she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
