thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
