names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
