I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
