My sheets look like a crime scene.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Randomize
