ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize