first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
