But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
