I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
