And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
