last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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