i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
