ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize