I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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