That's intense
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What a dumb baby whore.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
