if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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