shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
