will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
