She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My penis needs a shock collar
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
