Already got asked if we're dating
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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