So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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