yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
