3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just invented taco cereal.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
