Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
