Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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