so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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