The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
