Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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