Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
