Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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