dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
