Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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