I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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