can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
