your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
