Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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