so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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