A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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