I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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