Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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