I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
