Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
