the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
