They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
