I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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