I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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