I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
