I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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