Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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