Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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