Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
