I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
ttyl tear gas
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
