omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
