She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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