I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
