New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
