Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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