Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
