Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
