just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
