yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
