Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
