Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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