go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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