K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
