you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
