Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
