Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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