Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
