I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Pooping to opera.
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