I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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