i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
