just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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