She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can I color on your dick again?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
