Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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