Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize