i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
