she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
