discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
