i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
