Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
