i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
