"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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