just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
