Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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